Just prior to our latest session, Trent and I discussed whether we needed to continue as things were great between us. When we sat down with Scott, I opened with, "I'm not sure what to talk about today. The couple times we could have had hurt feelings between us, Trent saved the day by apologizing for his behavior (I left out descriptive words like "rude," or "insensitive"... after all, Trent was sitting right next to me) (FYI: Trent is supportive of me including his faux pas in our blog). I continued, "I couldn't be happier with him or us." Trent and Scott exchanged high fives and Scott said, "Great. That means we can get to the fun stuff."
"Fun Stuff," I said. "You mean there's fun stuff in counseling? "Bring it on!"
Scott then spoke with us about adding fun family traditions and establishing our minimum daily, weekly, monthly and yearly requirements for our happy marriage. Another $95 well spent. (I know! $95 - but take it from me, that's much better than the $10,000 + 18 years inflation I spent on my divorce from, let's call him "Horace.")
So - on our next Friday night date, we sat down over dinner at Rumbi's and came up with the following minimum requirements and traditions:
Daily Minimum Requirements:
- Words of Affirmation: Trent has always been consistent with telling me daily how beautiful, talented, special I am to him and how much he loves me. I tend to show my love more through acts of service. I mentioned that this was one of the things we needed to continue on our list and he mentioned that he would like me to up my frequency. You see, I was more of an every other day kind of gal.
- Goodbye & Hello Greetings: My friend Kelli had mentioned that at their stake conference in the Tri-Cities area of Washington was devoted to marriages. The congregation was asked to rate their marriages. She told me the items. The area that I thought we could improve on was our Hello Greetings at the end of the day. I would hear Trent come home, but then he would disappear to the basement tv room, or office computer. I said I would like him to find me and give me kiss. He wanted me to commit to not being in our bedroom working on my laptop, until I explained that since my car accident, the adjustable bed is the place where I can support my neck while working on the computer which I admit I'm on quite a bit lately while I'm teaching myself web design using Adobe Dreamweaver and their Classroom in a book, plus taking on-line continuing ed courses in Speech/Language Pathology to meet my teaching licensure requirements, working on the monthly newsletter for church, and writing my abuse survival story. It's true, I practically live in my bed, which could also explain my insomnia lately.
- Date Night: We've been good at this since we married. We feel it's a must to be reminded weekly why we married in the first place!
- Couples & Family Council & Planning Session: We haven't been as consistent at this. We want to meet Sundays to discuss the coming week, plan and discuss any issues that need to be addressed.
- Temple Outing: We want to make sure we are getting to the temple monthly and be reminded of the promises we made there, not to mention the help we are doing for others that can't help themselves.
Yearly Minimum Requirements:
- Couple Vacation: This is another one we have been pretty consistent at. After all, when Trent married me almost 14 years ago, he became an instant dad. Our time away from the kids for a week a year has helped us stay close and have something to look forward to. I think we're past due for another Hawaii trip - or maybe now that we have free flight benefits through our son's employer, Jet Blue, and our previously paid for vacation club, I can finally get my Mediterranean Cruise in there. There's also the frequent flyer miles and Marriott Rewards points getaways too. The truth is, my joining him on his work trip to El Paso later this month, probably counts as my annual trip and I may not get anything more this year... but you get the point, right?
- Family Vacation: I grew up in a home where our family vacations were limited to my dad's family reunions. Not that I didn't love getting together with my cousins, but I would have loved to have gone to Disneyland, or any of the great National Parks in Utah or surrounding states. My dad worked construction during the good months, and was on unemployment many a winter so we stayed put pinching pennies. He never took a sick or vacation day. I used to resent him for that. Now I know better... but, before Trent and I married, we agreed that annual family vacations were a must. Even when I quit working, things fell together for us where we got excellent deals on Disneyland vacations that were the exact cost of the unexpected rebate check that arrived in the mail. This year - I'm hoping for the trek across the nation to see church history sites with a stop over in Oklahoma over the 24th of July for the Hunt Family Reunion.
Scott had mentioned that he had done this with his family. I don't know what he called his. We thought about just calling it the "Oscars." But, I never really liked the name Oscar. Those who know us, might also know that we come through the Harold Hunt family line. The morning after our session, I woke up with one of my moments of inspiration and asked Trent, doesn't "Herald" mean something like what we're trying to accomplish? After he left for work (I had taken the week off of work due to the upcoming Spring Break from school) I looked up definitions of Herald and found this: "Herald (verb): To be a sign that something important, and often good, is starting to happen, or to make something publicly known, especially by celebrating or praising it." Perfect! I thought.
Wednesday I went to a trophy shop and ordered trophies for each of our 5 children engraved with their name, their award for their biggest accomplishment or contribution to our family of the past year, and "Hunt Family Heralds 2013".
Steven: Gold Cup: Cup Runneth Over Award
Chalyse: Bobble Head Girl Graduate: Independent Status Achievement Award
McKenzi: Music Trophy: Beautiful Aura Award
Alexis: Star Trophy: Star Entrepreneur
Kylee: Crown Trophy: Imperial Cuddlebug Award
Wednesday, April 3rd we dressed in our finest formal attire (the 3 minor children had just gotten Easter Dresses), the minors and I put on make-up and Kenzi went to town on fancy hair styles for us. At 6:30 pm, all 7 of us surrounded the table for a fancy dinner of Stouffer's lasagna, Pepperidge farm Garlic Texas Toast, and a salad Lexi through together and Fresca and Grape Soda to drink (we don't do a lot of carbonated drinks... gotta save the teeth.
We had a nice time (for the most part) visiting. The highlight of the evening was the award ceremony. We had prepared a speech to talk up the accomplishments of each of our children. Trent then, spontaneously, pulled out a used bottle of "Brittney Spears" perfume and presented it to me as the best wife and mother of the year.
We then adjourned for cheesecake for dessert.
Overall, it was a wonderful evening and I can speak for 6 of 7 of us that had a wonderful time. We're definitely going to continue the tradition!
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