It has been awhile since I blogged. My journal writing follows the same pattern. So much has happened over the past 2 years. I know we aren't the only ones living a roller coaster. My best guess is that we all are... but I do believe that we can choose for ourselves but we can't choose our consequences and some of our choices increase or decrease the chances of good or bad consequences.
We try to make choices that increase the chances for good things to happen in our lives.
I have been listening to Stephen R Covey's Third Alternative book on cd. I have studied relationships for over 30 years - since my first one. At first it was in an effort to save a marriage and when I finally figured out that nothing I did was going to change my first husband, and long story short, we divorced, I studied relationships in an effort to make the best choice the 2nd time around. Now in my 20th year of marriage, I still study because we haven't figured it all out.
We have seen couple after couple end marriages - more so from our neighborhood in West Jordan than here. In the 3 years we have been here, we have not been aware of any couples splitting up and we are actively involved in our church congregation and school and rec teams.
Anyway - Covey tells us that the flight or fight natural man tendency leads to a lot of defensiveness, arguments and emotional wall building. Third Alternative thinking takes into account that we are different and that we can choose to appreciate our differences and that one person's strengths (whether in a company, family, marriage, etc.) can cancel out another's weaknesses. When we understand that and are more focused on finding positive synergy (I used to call it a win-win before Covey's book) then we can make that choice rather than the "my way or the highway" approach.
Even knowing this, I still fall into the trap of being defensive when my husband makes a comment that cuts me to the core. Most of the time, I don't think he means to. ;D
So - the wedding I am referring to in the post title is my 25 year old daughter's. Ethan has been very vocal about wanting to marry her since last Christmas. Now that they have been dating 9 months, she is ready and they want to be married before December 1st. We have two dates - Friday, Nov 16th or Friday, November 30th. Just waiting to hear if the 16th is for sure available as there is a soft hold on that date at the reception center we all love. It has been a crazy week of looking at venues, discussing dates, looking at ideas, getting prices... I'm exhausted.
Add to that, my car has been in the shop since Monday so I have been dependent on others for transportation... I don't like being dependent on others.
The divorce I refer to is a couple that lives in our old neighborhood in West Jordan. Neither of them have compassion for the other or are willing to listen to try to understand where the other is coming from. Love, the adjective, is the word to describe the feeling that comes when we love, the verb, others. We love others by serving them. If you don't feel love for someone then you aren't serving them. Change that and you almost immediately feel the difference. It is so sad, because they are both past feeling, and have lost their way and it's the kids that are most effected.
That's all for today!
I'll try to include more because it really has been quite the roller coaster!
Valerie
Our Amazing Journey
Butterfield Canyon Oct 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Honey, I have something to tell you... You're adopted.
This past year has been full of firsts for us. We have been told by many that we should write a book, or that we would make a good 20/20 documentary. And sadly, I would have to agree.
Last May, 2016 Trent and I had hopped a plane to Lawton, Oklahoma as soon as we heard that Trent's dad had stopped eating and didn't want to get out of bed as his lung cancer had been progressing. We were lucky he was still with us 2 years after being diagnosed with his 3rd bout and the visit mentioned in my previous post.
While there, I was trying to keep myself busy with "important" things as the favorite past time of my aged in-laws is watching re-runs of Bonanza, the Waltons, and Golden Girls. Harold had been the family genealogist and it dawned on me that once he passed, there would be a hole that needed to be filled. (Harold didn't much appreciate that thought.) As I was looking at my genealogical file, I realized I had never met anyone from a couple branches of the McLinn family tree. Uncles Gary and Delmar McLinn had died before I joined the family in 1999. I asked my mother-in-law, Collene, the name of Gary's wife and children, and she had difficulty remembering. While searching the internet, I came across an obituary of a cousin who had passed away, one of Uncle Gary's daughters which listed 8 children. Cousin Patsy, Aunt Colleta's daughter, put me in contact with another of Gary's daughters, Joan.
After returning from Lawton, I called Joan and talked to her briefly. She said her brother had done some genealogy several years earlier and she would update the information and mail it to me. Within the week, I had the records, but waited until the Sunday before school got out for the summer to look at them.
It is also important to know that Harold's cancer was progressing. Trent had told him that when school was out, we would bring the grandchildren out to visit. Trent asked, "Dad, will you still be here?" Harold said he would, and so this was also 6 days before we were heading back to Lawton for our final visit with Harold, and 13 days prior to his passing on June 4th, 2016.
I finally found time to sit at the computer and add the information to my personal genealogical records. I almost didn't look at the Harold Hunt family because after more than 17 years with my husband, I thought I knew his history, but something prompted me to take a look.
I could not believe my eyes when next to my husband's name, was the notation: "(Adopted)." I did a double take, blinking a few times and trying to make sense of what I was seeing. How was this possible? Trent was 48 years old. Wouldn't he know if he was adopted by now. Could this be some mistake? Was this for real? What do I do with this information? Of course, I couldn't keep it from my husband, but this was earth rocking information.
Before I could wrap my head around what I had discovered, Trent called from the other room that dinner was ready. (I do love that Sunday is his day to cook, but at that moment, food was the furthest thing from my mind.)
After he called out a 2nd time, I collected my papers and thoughts and headed into the kitchen to begin another new, unforeseen adventure with my sweetie!
Last May, 2016 Trent and I had hopped a plane to Lawton, Oklahoma as soon as we heard that Trent's dad had stopped eating and didn't want to get out of bed as his lung cancer had been progressing. We were lucky he was still with us 2 years after being diagnosed with his 3rd bout and the visit mentioned in my previous post.
While there, I was trying to keep myself busy with "important" things as the favorite past time of my aged in-laws is watching re-runs of Bonanza, the Waltons, and Golden Girls. Harold had been the family genealogist and it dawned on me that once he passed, there would be a hole that needed to be filled. (Harold didn't much appreciate that thought.) As I was looking at my genealogical file, I realized I had never met anyone from a couple branches of the McLinn family tree. Uncles Gary and Delmar McLinn had died before I joined the family in 1999. I asked my mother-in-law, Collene, the name of Gary's wife and children, and she had difficulty remembering. While searching the internet, I came across an obituary of a cousin who had passed away, one of Uncle Gary's daughters which listed 8 children. Cousin Patsy, Aunt Colleta's daughter, put me in contact with another of Gary's daughters, Joan.
After returning from Lawton, I called Joan and talked to her briefly. She said her brother had done some genealogy several years earlier and she would update the information and mail it to me. Within the week, I had the records, but waited until the Sunday before school got out for the summer to look at them.
It is also important to know that Harold's cancer was progressing. Trent had told him that when school was out, we would bring the grandchildren out to visit. Trent asked, "Dad, will you still be here?" Harold said he would, and so this was also 6 days before we were heading back to Lawton for our final visit with Harold, and 13 days prior to his passing on June 4th, 2016.
I finally found time to sit at the computer and add the information to my personal genealogical records. I almost didn't look at the Harold Hunt family because after more than 17 years with my husband, I thought I knew his history, but something prompted me to take a look.
I could not believe my eyes when next to my husband's name, was the notation: "(Adopted)." I did a double take, blinking a few times and trying to make sense of what I was seeing. How was this possible? Trent was 48 years old. Wouldn't he know if he was adopted by now. Could this be some mistake? Was this for real? What do I do with this information? Of course, I couldn't keep it from my husband, but this was earth rocking information.
Before I could wrap my head around what I had discovered, Trent called from the other room that dinner was ready. (I do love that Sunday is his day to cook, but at that moment, food was the furthest thing from my mind.)
After he called out a 2nd time, I collected my papers and thoughts and headed into the kitchen to begin another new, unforeseen adventure with my sweetie!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Seasons of Life spent between hospitals, rehab and assisted living
I am currently experiencing my 5th trip to Oklahoma in the past 9 months. That is in addition to trips to Seattle, Chicago, Florida and abroad to Italy, France, Spain, Greece and Turkey, Honduras, Belize, and a couple places in Mexico.
For a girl who had not made it out of the state of Utah until age 17 when I went to Elko, Nevada to the horse races with my dad and then a few months later, on a group tour where my claim to being out of the country was a side trip to Tijuana, I think we can now safely say, I am becoming a bit more well traveled than I used to be!
I still marvel that I am as familiar as I am with Lawton, Oklahoma. I've lost count of the number of trips here over the years! The last 9 months, I think the majority of my time has been in and out of hospitals, rehab and assisted living facilities. This trip, we are dividing our time between the Rehab Facility where my father-in-law has been since just after Thanksgiving and the hospital where my mother-in-law was admitted 5 days ago.
It has been at the back of my mind, since my father-in-law was given 6 months to live last October, that when the phone rang, we might need to hop a plane for him. Last Sunday, when the call came, it was in regards to my mother-in-law due to complications with Congestive Heart Failure. They are both with us for now, and we are nearing another end to the latest visit.
Home is figuratively calling me. It takes 6 people to fill in for me in getting my children where they need to be. I'm missing my 11 year old's maturation program - a rite of passage I have always been present for the older three. My poor mother filled in for me there, and then is off to deliver to the orthodontist, and pick up two from choir, then piano, and two different dance classes on opposite ends of the valley. As I give the list to her, I can't deny how insane it is that this my usual chauffeuring schedule.
It looks like my mother-in-law is on the mend from the latest hospitalization and dad is soon to return to the assisted living facility and we will return to our normal day to day life with plans for trip 6 to Oklahoma at the end of school in June.
Until then!
Valerie & Trent
For a girl who had not made it out of the state of Utah until age 17 when I went to Elko, Nevada to the horse races with my dad and then a few months later, on a group tour where my claim to being out of the country was a side trip to Tijuana, I think we can now safely say, I am becoming a bit more well traveled than I used to be!
I still marvel that I am as familiar as I am with Lawton, Oklahoma. I've lost count of the number of trips here over the years! The last 9 months, I think the majority of my time has been in and out of hospitals, rehab and assisted living facilities. This trip, we are dividing our time between the Rehab Facility where my father-in-law has been since just after Thanksgiving and the hospital where my mother-in-law was admitted 5 days ago.
It has been at the back of my mind, since my father-in-law was given 6 months to live last October, that when the phone rang, we might need to hop a plane for him. Last Sunday, when the call came, it was in regards to my mother-in-law due to complications with Congestive Heart Failure. They are both with us for now, and we are nearing another end to the latest visit.
Home is figuratively calling me. It takes 6 people to fill in for me in getting my children where they need to be. I'm missing my 11 year old's maturation program - a rite of passage I have always been present for the older three. My poor mother filled in for me there, and then is off to deliver to the orthodontist, and pick up two from choir, then piano, and two different dance classes on opposite ends of the valley. As I give the list to her, I can't deny how insane it is that this my usual chauffeuring schedule.
It looks like my mother-in-law is on the mend from the latest hospitalization and dad is soon to return to the assisted living facility and we will return to our normal day to day life with plans for trip 6 to Oklahoma at the end of school in June.
Until then!
Valerie & Trent
Sunday, February 9, 2014
What Teens and those with HFA have in Common
This past Wednesday, I had a full day of conferences - beginning at 8:30 am with Pam Marshalla and a course on Apraxia and Dysarthria and ending at 6:30pm after a two hour class for parents and teachers of students with High Functioning Autism.
Of all the information, the item that I think will have the most life changing effect, was information given in the Autism class. The presenter asked, what population argues the most - the answer: "Teenagers and those with Asperger's." I had to agree with her observation.
She proceeded to point out what we as parents and teachers do to train these kids to do this and I realized, I am so guilty of this. We start by making a request of our kids. They stall. We ask again. They stall. We try to reason and point out small consequences. They try to negotiate, argue, or stall. We give more serious consequences, they tantrum in one way or another - my teen mostly just gets really angry at me and I think, "Wait a second. How can she be mad at me. She knows she should mind and I'm only asking her to clean up her own stuff. What's up with that?"
The presenter then gave us a script for what we should do. We are to use it word for word so the child/teen knows what is coming,
It goes like this:
1). (Name) + (Direction) + "Please." (E.g., McKenzi, put your dishes in the dishwasher, please.")
2) Then you wait 3-4 seconds for a child with normal language or 7-10 seconds for a child without normal language skills.
3) (Name) +" I need you to" + (direction) +"now". (E.g., McKenzi, I need you to load your dishes now."
4) Wait time as outlined in #2 above.
5) (Name) you didn't follow directions. That means + (consequence). (E.g., McKenzi, you didn't follow directions. That means you lose 6 minutes of electronics time).
The consequences are prearranged and with 4-5 hierarchical steps. (Three is too few and six is too many). These consequences are arranged so that the first offense is the least loss and the last step is the total loss of the item.
It was pointed out that these items don't have to have sugar or cost money. It is best to take something the child is getting already and have them earn it.
For my family, electronics time was the thing they all had in common, although they each have different electronics that they are more interested in than another. For one it is the Wii, another, TV, and the third, Pinterest on the computer.
They have always been expected to get to their homework after getting a snack and half-hour break after school and before play time with friends. Using this script and the consequence hierarchy, not only helped them get right to it, but also helped with dish duty, fighting siblings, and putting their own items away. They quickly caught on and didn't want to lose all their time.
It is imperative that once the child has lost time that you not negotiate for them to earn it back. That will backfire big time. If you give a child a reward, you should not use that same reward as a consequence they can lose either.
To set up your hierarchy, you basically take the total time you want to give the reward and divide it into 5 steps so that the 5th step is the total loss of the item and the 1st is the least amount of time.
Our electronics time looks like this;
Each school day, the kids get 1 1/2 hours of electronics time. I basically took the total amount I was okay with and cut it in half each step working backwards.
1st offense: Lose 6 minutes.
2nd offense: Lose 12 minutes.
3rd offense: Lose 23 minutes.
4th offense: Lose 45 minutes.
5th offense: Lose whole 1 1/2 hours.
After each offense, you repeat the script starting with #1. "McKenzi, I need you to put your dishes in the dishwasher, please." and moving through to step 5 with the consequence begin the 2nd offense.
Children rarely go past the 3rd offense. Hierarchies work because kids need to have something to save. When we remove the whole motivating privilege, there is nothing left for them to work for.
Consequences need to be motivating for the student, and not a pain for the adult to give.
At school, my students fill in boxes when they follow the rules. For example, coming on time, bringing their homework folder, handing me their reinforcer card without being reminded, etc. I had been subjectively giving them more boxes if they worked hard and didn't need reminders to follow the rules.
After this class, I have now decided to make the reward objective. They can earn an additional 6 boxes if they follow the rules and each time they don't follow rules, they lose the number of boxes. Every so often, one of the boxes on the chart has a star on it. Each time they get to a star, they get to choose a prize.
So far, I've had great results - no arguing and the kids actually obeying very quickly! The biggest thing I'm worried about now is that I have 2-3 weeks until they teach us what to do in the event that the kid doesn't respond before losing the whole amount. They say this rarely happens, but in the event it does... stay tuned for my next episode!
Happy Parenting!/Teaching!
Of all the information, the item that I think will have the most life changing effect, was information given in the Autism class. The presenter asked, what population argues the most - the answer: "Teenagers and those with Asperger's." I had to agree with her observation.
She proceeded to point out what we as parents and teachers do to train these kids to do this and I realized, I am so guilty of this. We start by making a request of our kids. They stall. We ask again. They stall. We try to reason and point out small consequences. They try to negotiate, argue, or stall. We give more serious consequences, they tantrum in one way or another - my teen mostly just gets really angry at me and I think, "Wait a second. How can she be mad at me. She knows she should mind and I'm only asking her to clean up her own stuff. What's up with that?"
The presenter then gave us a script for what we should do. We are to use it word for word so the child/teen knows what is coming,
It goes like this:
1). (Name) + (Direction) + "Please." (E.g., McKenzi, put your dishes in the dishwasher, please.")
2) Then you wait 3-4 seconds for a child with normal language or 7-10 seconds for a child without normal language skills.
3) (Name) +" I need you to" + (direction) +"now". (E.g., McKenzi, I need you to load your dishes now."
4) Wait time as outlined in #2 above.
5) (Name) you didn't follow directions. That means + (consequence). (E.g., McKenzi, you didn't follow directions. That means you lose 6 minutes of electronics time).
The consequences are prearranged and with 4-5 hierarchical steps. (Three is too few and six is too many). These consequences are arranged so that the first offense is the least loss and the last step is the total loss of the item.
It was pointed out that these items don't have to have sugar or cost money. It is best to take something the child is getting already and have them earn it.
For my family, electronics time was the thing they all had in common, although they each have different electronics that they are more interested in than another. For one it is the Wii, another, TV, and the third, Pinterest on the computer.
They have always been expected to get to their homework after getting a snack and half-hour break after school and before play time with friends. Using this script and the consequence hierarchy, not only helped them get right to it, but also helped with dish duty, fighting siblings, and putting their own items away. They quickly caught on and didn't want to lose all their time.
It is imperative that once the child has lost time that you not negotiate for them to earn it back. That will backfire big time. If you give a child a reward, you should not use that same reward as a consequence they can lose either.
To set up your hierarchy, you basically take the total time you want to give the reward and divide it into 5 steps so that the 5th step is the total loss of the item and the 1st is the least amount of time.
Our electronics time looks like this;
Each school day, the kids get 1 1/2 hours of electronics time. I basically took the total amount I was okay with and cut it in half each step working backwards.
1st offense: Lose 6 minutes.
2nd offense: Lose 12 minutes.
3rd offense: Lose 23 minutes.
4th offense: Lose 45 minutes.
5th offense: Lose whole 1 1/2 hours.
After each offense, you repeat the script starting with #1. "McKenzi, I need you to put your dishes in the dishwasher, please." and moving through to step 5 with the consequence begin the 2nd offense.
Children rarely go past the 3rd offense. Hierarchies work because kids need to have something to save. When we remove the whole motivating privilege, there is nothing left for them to work for.
Consequences need to be motivating for the student, and not a pain for the adult to give.
At school, my students fill in boxes when they follow the rules. For example, coming on time, bringing their homework folder, handing me their reinforcer card without being reminded, etc. I had been subjectively giving them more boxes if they worked hard and didn't need reminders to follow the rules.
After this class, I have now decided to make the reward objective. They can earn an additional 6 boxes if they follow the rules and each time they don't follow rules, they lose the number of boxes. Every so often, one of the boxes on the chart has a star on it. Each time they get to a star, they get to choose a prize.
So far, I've had great results - no arguing and the kids actually obeying very quickly! The biggest thing I'm worried about now is that I have 2-3 weeks until they teach us what to do in the event that the kid doesn't respond before losing the whole amount. They say this rarely happens, but in the event it does... stay tuned for my next episode!
Happy Parenting!/Teaching!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanksgiving in Hawaii
It has been an amazing 6 days here in Kauai. I miss my two adult children, but have had to adjust to them being too busy with jobs and school to join us for more than a couple days of vacation since they each graduated from high school.
The last time they traveled with us, was a year ago last August, when they joined us on a Saturday morning to celebrate my in-laws 60th wedding anniversary in Oklahoma. We flew home together the following day. Short, but very sweet.
So - while I'm having a blast with my 3 younger children, I am missing my two grown-up children. McKenzi did tell me that my Sausage, Cranberry, Macadamia Nut Stuffing (made out of Hawaiian Sweet Bread) was the best she'd ever tasted and she doesn't like stuffing. That and the key lime pie were my favorite parts, although the turkey was delicious, meat isn't my favorite part of a meal. I'm wondering if I went vegetarian if I'd lose a few pounds. :D
Anyway, I have had some thoughts as we've been here in the islands.
My first trip to Hawaii was my honeymoon with my ex-husband. I tend to remember the bad times with him more than the good. My second, was after my divorce was final and a friend from high school whose divorce started and ended in a matter of days even before mine that had been going on for a year finally came to a close. She worked for Delta as a Reservations Agent, and invited me to fly with her to Oahu and Maui on a buddy pass. The entire trip cost me about $65.00 in airfare and $25 per night hotel. I started then, to make new memories.
This is my 7th trip to the islands with the last 5 being the last 7 years. Trent loves the islands and traveling as well. I've been to Kauai 3 times, Maui twice, the Big Island once, and Oahu 6 times. I'm not counting this trip in the numbers because we never left the airport.
Trent and I are beginning to feel like we can make a few recommendations to others about things to do. I think the captain of our catamaran tour on Tuesday was a bit offended that he was making recommendations that were different than his own. We were open to his suggestions though, so we went to JoJo's Anuenue so we could give it a fair chance compared to Paradise Shave Ice in Hanalei.
https://plus.google.com/101319984777047729616/about?gl=us&hl=en
I had the shave ice with macadamia nut ice cream at both places. I have to say that I actually liked the Bali Hai Shave Ice at Paradise better, but that any of the Shave Ices at JoJo's Anuenue with their cream beat them all. They packed more ice in the cup and the price was within a dollar less - they had quite a few more fancy concoctions to try at JoJo's as well. Our captain told us that JoJo sold her name, but not her secret recipe so you won't get the same Shave Ice anywhere but in Anuenue.
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g60612-d1778594-Reviews-Shave_Ice_Paradise-Hanalei_Kauai_Hawaii.html
I love that we are learning about all the best places in the islands.
Our boat tour was also something worth mentioning. We sat through the "schpeel" on things to do at our condo twice - guess the free fruit and cinnamon rolls were Wepulled into the little town and boat ramp to see rows of parking for other catamaran companies and loads of people waiting for their tour to begin. We somehow missed the little run down hut at the back of the parking lot the first couple times through. After a phone call to our concierge, and a stray glance on my part, I discovered the little hut. We parked and headed toward the hut. Imagine our surprise when we found the same Hawaiian mumu clad woman inside the little hut. Can we all say, "Conflict of Interest"? At least that is what was screaming out at Trent and I. Our group was relatively small too - our five, a family of four, two older couples, and a family of three.
After checking in and the other groups clearing out, we took their place to wait for our captain to arrive.... late. We were both quite concerned. I have to admit that I entertained the possibility that Captain Ron (old movie) was going to be piloting our craft and we might be regretting our decision.
When the boat arrived, our mumu lady led us to the dock where we removed our shoes, climbed down the ladder and onto our boat - much smaller than the enormous catamarans the other visitors had previously boarded.
But, I have to say that the tour was amazing. We passed by dozens of boats snorkeling while we headed straight to the Napali Coastline. Our captain later told us he had been out surfing already that morning. He started his company, named after his grandparents back in '69. His grandparents taught him to read the winds and waves. He said he knew that we needed to go see the coast while the surf was only 2 feet. He said this time of year, yes, it is winter in Hawaii too, that the surf is usually more around 20 feet with the waves crashing up 100 feet on the cliff side and the caves unaccessible and even the coastline, not visible due to the crashing waves and steam. He said they had cancelled the day before, and would probably only get out 7 more times the whole rest of the winter season.
We felt truly blessed. Add to that, that on our way, a huge catamaran passed us by speeding along and screaming at a school of porpoises - which we got to swim along with and take some amazing pictures of them just inches from us.
When we stopped to snorkel just before lunch, there was only one other boat there - a small raft that held maybe 6-10 people. We saw some pretty awesome ocean life. Makes Trent and I both miss our scuba diving experiences.
We have loved having our younger kids with us - but we will focus on the bickering in July when we celebrate our 15th anniversary on the Mediterranean cruise that is on my bucket list. Trent asked me what I wanted to do for our honeymoon. In the end though, he wanted the Sandals Resort in Antigua and since his parents were paying for it - who was I to argue... plus, I loved Antigua and all the inclusive diving and activities. It was amazing!
But, when he asked me if I wanted to go back for our 15th anniversary, I said no - I wanted my Mediterranean Cruise - and I think, thanks to Disney, and a really good year at work, it sounds like I will get it!
I love my sweet husband. He did get upset with me for taking the turkey out because my rolls were ready to bake and it slowed down his turkey progress - but Thanksgiving dinner was no less tasty because of it, and not that much later in the making,,
Anyway, Trent and I have had an amazing life together. I feel so sad for those whose marriages are struggling or even failing. I've been through it myself. I think that the difference, at least in my experience, has a whole lot to do with the things that Trent and I do to keep the romance alive.
In my first marriage, I don't think a day went by where he didn't call me some horrible name. I think because of his own insecurities, he had to keep me in my place, or knock me off my pedestal. I think asking me why I had to go to college, and couldn't be happy being a "normal" person, meaning someone willing to work as a dispatcher or secretary. My thinking was I wanted to have options and use my brains, and make more money by the hour.
Besides the name calling, lies, pornography addiction, cheating, foul language and being told how often I could pray, if I could hold a calling, and when I would be able to make covenants based on when he was ready, we had to do the things he enjoyed for entertainment and if I didn't do things the way he wanted, he threatened to find someone else who would.
Trent has loved me continuously for just shy of 15 years. I am not exaggerating when I say that he does not let a day go by where he doesn't tell me just that and that I am beautiful and how blessed he feels to have me. I tell him the same, but he usually beats me. I think there's still a part of me that finds it hard to open up completely.
We love so many things together - but traveling is one of the things that have made our life together so full of amazing memories. I didn't marry him for money - I made more than he did when we married. But I knew he had aspirations and believed in himself. If I'd had my way, we wouldn't have bought our vacation club package for $4000. We wouldn't be in this beautiful 2 bedroom condo on Kauai just 5 years after our last trip and 3 bedroom condo in the islands.
Now he is wanting to get a timeshare. Again, I think it would be a waste of money, but if we our completely out of debt, house included, then I won't stand in his way. That day should be here sooner than I ever thought possible.
It isn't about the amount of money we have - we haven't always had that much - it is more about having our weekly date nights, the sweet little gifts and surprises, the words of affirmation. Trent is easy to please - I make his favorite meals and give him hugs and kisses and he says that is all he wants - I think he really means it too. At least, he has never seemed unhappy with me for doing just that after he says that is all he wants.
My family will soon be joining me. I've had a pulsing headache and stomach upset today - even before Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't want my family to miss out on the beach and snorkeling because of me so I sent them without me. Sounds like they found us another amazing beach to try out tomorrow!
I thank God for second chances - and that he prepared someone as awesome as Trent for me!
Love,
Valerie
The last time they traveled with us, was a year ago last August, when they joined us on a Saturday morning to celebrate my in-laws 60th wedding anniversary in Oklahoma. We flew home together the following day. Short, but very sweet.
So - while I'm having a blast with my 3 younger children, I am missing my two grown-up children. McKenzi did tell me that my Sausage, Cranberry, Macadamia Nut Stuffing (made out of Hawaiian Sweet Bread) was the best she'd ever tasted and she doesn't like stuffing. That and the key lime pie were my favorite parts, although the turkey was delicious, meat isn't my favorite part of a meal. I'm wondering if I went vegetarian if I'd lose a few pounds. :D
Anyway, I have had some thoughts as we've been here in the islands.
My first trip to Hawaii was my honeymoon with my ex-husband. I tend to remember the bad times with him more than the good. My second, was after my divorce was final and a friend from high school whose divorce started and ended in a matter of days even before mine that had been going on for a year finally came to a close. She worked for Delta as a Reservations Agent, and invited me to fly with her to Oahu and Maui on a buddy pass. The entire trip cost me about $65.00 in airfare and $25 per night hotel. I started then, to make new memories.
This is my 7th trip to the islands with the last 5 being the last 7 years. Trent loves the islands and traveling as well. I've been to Kauai 3 times, Maui twice, the Big Island once, and Oahu 6 times. I'm not counting this trip in the numbers because we never left the airport.
Trent and I are beginning to feel like we can make a few recommendations to others about things to do. I think the captain of our catamaran tour on Tuesday was a bit offended that he was making recommendations that were different than his own. We were open to his suggestions though, so we went to JoJo's Anuenue so we could give it a fair chance compared to Paradise Shave Ice in Hanalei.
https://plus.google.com/101319984777047729616/about?gl=us&hl=en
I had the shave ice with macadamia nut ice cream at both places. I have to say that I actually liked the Bali Hai Shave Ice at Paradise better, but that any of the Shave Ices at JoJo's Anuenue with their cream beat them all. They packed more ice in the cup and the price was within a dollar less - they had quite a few more fancy concoctions to try at JoJo's as well. Our captain told us that JoJo sold her name, but not her secret recipe so you won't get the same Shave Ice anywhere but in Anuenue.
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g60612-d1778594-Reviews-Shave_Ice_Paradise-Hanalei_Kauai_Hawaii.html
I love that we are learning about all the best places in the islands.
Our boat tour was also something worth mentioning. We sat through the "schpeel" on things to do at our condo twice - guess the free fruit and cinnamon rolls were Wepulled into the little town and boat ramp to see rows of parking for other catamaran companies and loads of people waiting for their tour to begin. We somehow missed the little run down hut at the back of the parking lot the first couple times through. After a phone call to our concierge, and a stray glance on my part, I discovered the little hut. We parked and headed toward the hut. Imagine our surprise when we found the same Hawaiian mumu clad woman inside the little hut. Can we all say, "Conflict of Interest"? At least that is what was screaming out at Trent and I. Our group was relatively small too - our five, a family of four, two older couples, and a family of three.
After checking in and the other groups clearing out, we took their place to wait for our captain to arrive.... late. We were both quite concerned. I have to admit that I entertained the possibility that Captain Ron (old movie) was going to be piloting our craft and we might be regretting our decision.
When the boat arrived, our mumu lady led us to the dock where we removed our shoes, climbed down the ladder and onto our boat - much smaller than the enormous catamarans the other visitors had previously boarded.
But, I have to say that the tour was amazing. We passed by dozens of boats snorkeling while we headed straight to the Napali Coastline. Our captain later told us he had been out surfing already that morning. He started his company, named after his grandparents back in '69. His grandparents taught him to read the winds and waves. He said he knew that we needed to go see the coast while the surf was only 2 feet. He said this time of year, yes, it is winter in Hawaii too, that the surf is usually more around 20 feet with the waves crashing up 100 feet on the cliff side and the caves unaccessible and even the coastline, not visible due to the crashing waves and steam. He said they had cancelled the day before, and would probably only get out 7 more times the whole rest of the winter season.
We felt truly blessed. Add to that, that on our way, a huge catamaran passed us by speeding along and screaming at a school of porpoises - which we got to swim along with and take some amazing pictures of them just inches from us.
When we stopped to snorkel just before lunch, there was only one other boat there - a small raft that held maybe 6-10 people. We saw some pretty awesome ocean life. Makes Trent and I both miss our scuba diving experiences.
We have loved having our younger kids with us - but we will focus on the bickering in July when we celebrate our 15th anniversary on the Mediterranean cruise that is on my bucket list. Trent asked me what I wanted to do for our honeymoon. In the end though, he wanted the Sandals Resort in Antigua and since his parents were paying for it - who was I to argue... plus, I loved Antigua and all the inclusive diving and activities. It was amazing!
But, when he asked me if I wanted to go back for our 15th anniversary, I said no - I wanted my Mediterranean Cruise - and I think, thanks to Disney, and a really good year at work, it sounds like I will get it!
I love my sweet husband. He did get upset with me for taking the turkey out because my rolls were ready to bake and it slowed down his turkey progress - but Thanksgiving dinner was no less tasty because of it, and not that much later in the making,,
Anyway, Trent and I have had an amazing life together. I feel so sad for those whose marriages are struggling or even failing. I've been through it myself. I think that the difference, at least in my experience, has a whole lot to do with the things that Trent and I do to keep the romance alive.
In my first marriage, I don't think a day went by where he didn't call me some horrible name. I think because of his own insecurities, he had to keep me in my place, or knock me off my pedestal. I think asking me why I had to go to college, and couldn't be happy being a "normal" person, meaning someone willing to work as a dispatcher or secretary. My thinking was I wanted to have options and use my brains, and make more money by the hour.
Besides the name calling, lies, pornography addiction, cheating, foul language and being told how often I could pray, if I could hold a calling, and when I would be able to make covenants based on when he was ready, we had to do the things he enjoyed for entertainment and if I didn't do things the way he wanted, he threatened to find someone else who would.
Trent has loved me continuously for just shy of 15 years. I am not exaggerating when I say that he does not let a day go by where he doesn't tell me just that and that I am beautiful and how blessed he feels to have me. I tell him the same, but he usually beats me. I think there's still a part of me that finds it hard to open up completely.
We love so many things together - but traveling is one of the things that have made our life together so full of amazing memories. I didn't marry him for money - I made more than he did when we married. But I knew he had aspirations and believed in himself. If I'd had my way, we wouldn't have bought our vacation club package for $4000. We wouldn't be in this beautiful 2 bedroom condo on Kauai just 5 years after our last trip and 3 bedroom condo in the islands.
Now he is wanting to get a timeshare. Again, I think it would be a waste of money, but if we our completely out of debt, house included, then I won't stand in his way. That day should be here sooner than I ever thought possible.
It isn't about the amount of money we have - we haven't always had that much - it is more about having our weekly date nights, the sweet little gifts and surprises, the words of affirmation. Trent is easy to please - I make his favorite meals and give him hugs and kisses and he says that is all he wants - I think he really means it too. At least, he has never seemed unhappy with me for doing just that after he says that is all he wants.
My family will soon be joining me. I've had a pulsing headache and stomach upset today - even before Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't want my family to miss out on the beach and snorkeling because of me so I sent them without me. Sounds like they found us another amazing beach to try out tomorrow!
I thank God for second chances - and that he prepared someone as awesome as Trent for me!
Love,
Valerie
Sunday, October 13, 2013
My Memories and a Freebie
I can't believe this many weeks has gone by since I blogged.
www.MyMemories.com has offered me the opportunity to share with my followers The new My Memories Suite Software digital download (a $40 value) free this week only. Just go to their website and place the Suite in your cart. Copy and paste this link: FreeTreatEE49 in the "promotional code" box. The discount will show up at checkout.
I have to admit, I am taking myself up on the offer and downloading the new software as we speak. I have used a previous version. I loved that rather than have to print my digital pages and put them in my scrapbooks, which I could never get all of them out of my house in a fire, I can save the pages to a cd and easily handle grabbing my cd's if I had to get out in a hurry. Pictures can be set to music as well and viewed as slideshows. There are tons of options for digital papers and embellishments and it's a great stress reliever too. I'm hoping to alleviate the guilt I feel about not recording memories as much as I feel I should. I have tons of paper scrapbooking products I have purchased over the years - I will use those for the pictures I have already printed or had developed -but I am going to be use this software for all the pictures I have not printed on paper, but am afraid I will lose from my phone or camera cards. Hope you can enjoy it too!
August was a whirlwind of last minute summer events. After our journey to Napa Valley - which I believe was the last time I took a moment to blog, we flew home on Kylee's 7th birthday.
Grandma and Grandpa Hunt had flown out while we were in Napa and stayed a few days with us. I had to work part days to make up for missing two of the three required teacher work days because of my niece's wedding events in Washington on the 23rd and 24th of August.
We drove back Sunday night and school began on Monday, August 26th, which was Lexi's 10th birthday. This year, all 5 of my children began at new schools without us moving homes. Steven and Chalyse both transferred to the University of Utah from Salt Lake Community College. McKenzi started Middle School, which is 7th grade in our district. Kylee and Lexi transferred from Westland to the school I started working at last December.
It was neat that when lunch time came, I was able to sit with Lexi in the cafeteria to celebrate. She had wanted me to bring a birthday cake for her class. I was not sure how I was going to handle getting a cake for her after having to drive 10 hours on Sunday to make it home - but we were offered an extra cake left over from the wedding so Lexi got her cake.
It has been a challenge to keep up with the house and yard work and be at school 32 hours a week, but I truly feel like I have the best work situation for my family. I get to be with my two youngest all day long - not directly, but they usually have an opportunity to wave at me, or blow me a kiss, or even come give me a hug during the day. Kylee was able to find me when she hurt her eye on the playground or lost her tooth during lunch last week.
We have figured out that it causes a lot less stress to pay the 80 cents for breakfast, than to try to get something healthy made for the girls and have them done eating by the time I need to leave for work - so the girls just get themselves dressed, hair done, teeth brushed and we arrive at the school a half hour before school starts. They go eat breakfast with the other kids - most of the kids of staff at the school are also eating and my girls have become friends with many of them.
After school, Lexi has band Tuesdays and Thursdays until 4pm so Kylee and I hang out in my office while she does homework or helps me color materials.
I have a manageable caseload and enough time to plan ahead.
I love that I work the same days and almost same hours as my kids have school and that I have them with me. The kids I see are great to work with and I feel like I am changing their lives for the better! I think my principal placed me well when he put me on the Sunshine Committee. We are planning to have a family work party in our back yard to celebrate the end of the school year - and I have to admit, there are moments when I find myself looking forward to having next summer off again. Summer is my favorite season and it has been hard to see it go!
Trent is recovering from his torn rotator cuff surgery (something we didn't know he was having until after the surgery was over. We thought he was just having a scope to remove some bone spurs. He woke up to being in a sling, with a pain pump, and weeks of physical therapy to endure). It hasn't kept him down at work. Against doctor recommendations, he flew to Virginia 3 days after the surgery to fulfill his previous commitments. I admire his tenacity and strength. I don't think I could have handled the pain.
I'm looking forward to getting my stitches out from my own minor surgery tomorrow. We had a wonderful time at the Fall Ball yesterday! It's great to have awesome friends and have opportunities to catch up with neighbors we don't see often enough!
Until next time, I'm going to go scrapbook before church!
Valerie
www.MyMemories.com has offered me the opportunity to share with my followers The new My Memories Suite Software digital download (a $40 value) free this week only. Just go to their website and place the Suite in your cart. Copy and paste this link: FreeTreatEE49 in the "promotional code" box. The discount will show up at checkout.
I have to admit, I am taking myself up on the offer and downloading the new software as we speak. I have used a previous version. I loved that rather than have to print my digital pages and put them in my scrapbooks, which I could never get all of them out of my house in a fire, I can save the pages to a cd and easily handle grabbing my cd's if I had to get out in a hurry. Pictures can be set to music as well and viewed as slideshows. There are tons of options for digital papers and embellishments and it's a great stress reliever too. I'm hoping to alleviate the guilt I feel about not recording memories as much as I feel I should. I have tons of paper scrapbooking products I have purchased over the years - I will use those for the pictures I have already printed or had developed -but I am going to be use this software for all the pictures I have not printed on paper, but am afraid I will lose from my phone or camera cards. Hope you can enjoy it too!
August was a whirlwind of last minute summer events. After our journey to Napa Valley - which I believe was the last time I took a moment to blog, we flew home on Kylee's 7th birthday.
Grandma and Grandpa Hunt had flown out while we were in Napa and stayed a few days with us. I had to work part days to make up for missing two of the three required teacher work days because of my niece's wedding events in Washington on the 23rd and 24th of August.
We drove back Sunday night and school began on Monday, August 26th, which was Lexi's 10th birthday. This year, all 5 of my children began at new schools without us moving homes. Steven and Chalyse both transferred to the University of Utah from Salt Lake Community College. McKenzi started Middle School, which is 7th grade in our district. Kylee and Lexi transferred from Westland to the school I started working at last December.
It was neat that when lunch time came, I was able to sit with Lexi in the cafeteria to celebrate. She had wanted me to bring a birthday cake for her class. I was not sure how I was going to handle getting a cake for her after having to drive 10 hours on Sunday to make it home - but we were offered an extra cake left over from the wedding so Lexi got her cake.
It has been a challenge to keep up with the house and yard work and be at school 32 hours a week, but I truly feel like I have the best work situation for my family. I get to be with my two youngest all day long - not directly, but they usually have an opportunity to wave at me, or blow me a kiss, or even come give me a hug during the day. Kylee was able to find me when she hurt her eye on the playground or lost her tooth during lunch last week.
We have figured out that it causes a lot less stress to pay the 80 cents for breakfast, than to try to get something healthy made for the girls and have them done eating by the time I need to leave for work - so the girls just get themselves dressed, hair done, teeth brushed and we arrive at the school a half hour before school starts. They go eat breakfast with the other kids - most of the kids of staff at the school are also eating and my girls have become friends with many of them.
After school, Lexi has band Tuesdays and Thursdays until 4pm so Kylee and I hang out in my office while she does homework or helps me color materials.
I have a manageable caseload and enough time to plan ahead.
I love that I work the same days and almost same hours as my kids have school and that I have them with me. The kids I see are great to work with and I feel like I am changing their lives for the better! I think my principal placed me well when he put me on the Sunshine Committee. We are planning to have a family work party in our back yard to celebrate the end of the school year - and I have to admit, there are moments when I find myself looking forward to having next summer off again. Summer is my favorite season and it has been hard to see it go!
Trent is recovering from his torn rotator cuff surgery (something we didn't know he was having until after the surgery was over. We thought he was just having a scope to remove some bone spurs. He woke up to being in a sling, with a pain pump, and weeks of physical therapy to endure). It hasn't kept him down at work. Against doctor recommendations, he flew to Virginia 3 days after the surgery to fulfill his previous commitments. I admire his tenacity and strength. I don't think I could have handled the pain.
I'm looking forward to getting my stitches out from my own minor surgery tomorrow. We had a wonderful time at the Fall Ball yesterday! It's great to have awesome friends and have opportunities to catch up with neighbors we don't see often enough!
Until next time, I'm going to go scrapbook before church!
Valerie
Friday, August 9, 2013
A stay at the Silverado Resort in Napa Valley
Trent is off to his classes and I am getting ready to work on writing my book. Something I haven't worked on all summer.
Looks like I will be back at work next week for 2 legislative days at $200 a day, after 4 hours of IPAD training on the 13th. Then the 19th through 22nd I will be putting in time at work. I have loved my summer vacation and am sad to have it end!
My in-laws are flying in today. We got a call last night with the somewhat unexpected news. I hadn't heard back that they had been able to make arrangements and didn't want to pressure them to come if the flights were too expensive being last minute. I feel bad that I didn't get things arranged for them before I left.
I did leave some money for Steven, our 22 year old, to purchase tv dinners or the like, but he had given the money away to the neighbor for a fundraiser, before our 2 hour flight had landed in San Francisco. He figures they'll live on eggs and pancakes - the girls aren't real happy about that. Grandma and Grandpa will either save the day, or join in with the plan. I did leave them with plenty of bread, milk, cereal, peanut butter and lunch meat and cheese, mac and cheese, corn dogs, and spagettios. I don't think they'll starve, right?
So yesterday, our flight landed around 1pm Cali time - 2pm our time. I hadn't eaten since 8am breakfast - other than the little package of pretzels and a 8 oz. of Fresca on the plane. I figured we'd grab lunch at the airport. By the time we took the air train to the car rental place - and let me just say, I have never seen that many people trying to rent cars on a Thursday afternoon in one place. Apparently, it's pretty standard this time of year. Enterprise had the shortest line so Trent booked with the right agency. Even so, we didn't get our car until 3pm which mean I hadn't eaten for 8 hours with the time change (the pretzel snack doesn't count!). By that time, I was so shaky and weak that the car attendant offered me some of her dried fruit as a snack and gave us directions to the quickest and closest restaurants. Trent decided, however, that it was 2 minutes out of the way and that we should find something on the way to Napa. It turned out that this wasn't as easy as he thought it would be and I was feeling quite uncared for since he seemed to care less about me than the car attendant had.
I have decided that when I get feeling like this, that I don't act like my normal together self. I was so upset with Trent by the time he got off the freeway and got us to this little Italian eatery somewhere between here and there.
I got a vegetarian panini and he had the special tuna spagetti with capers. The interesting thing to me was that the employee directions were 100% Spanish - the only thing Engish on the instructional signs was "Department of California Public Safety." It was an Italian Restaurant too. Interesting place, and surprisingly good spagetti. My panini was awesome with grilled peppers and tomatoes. I'm still trying to eat healthy!
Dinner was the appetizers at the cocktail meet and greet. My gingerale and grilled vegetables, mushrooms, hummus and breads were delicioso - but we also had our share of fried coconut shrimp, beef tarts, and egg rolls - so I can't say the meal fare was completely non-fattening! I am trying hard not to put on weight while taking this prednisone!
I've gotta get some stuff done to help Steven with scouts from afar.
And then, I really do need to work on my book!
That's all she wrote for now.
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