Of all the information, the item that I think will have the most life changing effect, was information given in the Autism class. The presenter asked, what population argues the most - the answer: "Teenagers and those with Asperger's." I had to agree with her observation.
She proceeded to point out what we as parents and teachers do to train these kids to do this and I realized, I am so guilty of this. We start by making a request of our kids. They stall. We ask again. They stall. We try to reason and point out small consequences. They try to negotiate, argue, or stall. We give more serious consequences, they tantrum in one way or another - my teen mostly just gets really angry at me and I think, "Wait a second. How can she be mad at me. She knows she should mind and I'm only asking her to clean up her own stuff. What's up with that?"
The presenter then gave us a script for what we should do. We are to use it word for word so the child/teen knows what is coming,
It goes like this:
1). (Name) + (Direction) + "Please." (E.g., McKenzi, put your dishes in the dishwasher, please.")
2) Then you wait 3-4 seconds for a child with normal language or 7-10 seconds for a child without normal language skills.
3) (Name) +" I need you to" + (direction) +"now". (E.g., McKenzi, I need you to load your dishes now."
4) Wait time as outlined in #2 above.
5) (Name) you didn't follow directions. That means + (consequence). (E.g., McKenzi, you didn't follow directions. That means you lose 6 minutes of electronics time).
The consequences are prearranged and with 4-5 hierarchical steps. (Three is too few and six is too many). These consequences are arranged so that the first offense is the least loss and the last step is the total loss of the item.
It was pointed out that these items don't have to have sugar or cost money. It is best to take something the child is getting already and have them earn it.
For my family, electronics time was the thing they all had in common, although they each have different electronics that they are more interested in than another. For one it is the Wii, another, TV, and the third, Pinterest on the computer.
They have always been expected to get to their homework after getting a snack and half-hour break after school and before play time with friends. Using this script and the consequence hierarchy, not only helped them get right to it, but also helped with dish duty, fighting siblings, and putting their own items away. They quickly caught on and didn't want to lose all their time.
It is imperative that once the child has lost time that you not negotiate for them to earn it back. That will backfire big time. If you give a child a reward, you should not use that same reward as a consequence they can lose either.
To set up your hierarchy, you basically take the total time you want to give the reward and divide it into 5 steps so that the 5th step is the total loss of the item and the 1st is the least amount of time.
Our electronics time looks like this;
Each school day, the kids get 1 1/2 hours of electronics time. I basically took the total amount I was okay with and cut it in half each step working backwards.
1st offense: Lose 6 minutes.
2nd offense: Lose 12 minutes.
3rd offense: Lose 23 minutes.
4th offense: Lose 45 minutes.
5th offense: Lose whole 1 1/2 hours.
After each offense, you repeat the script starting with #1. "McKenzi, I need you to put your dishes in the dishwasher, please." and moving through to step 5 with the consequence begin the 2nd offense.
Children rarely go past the 3rd offense. Hierarchies work because kids need to have something to save. When we remove the whole motivating privilege, there is nothing left for them to work for.
Consequences need to be motivating for the student, and not a pain for the adult to give.
At school, my students fill in boxes when they follow the rules. For example, coming on time, bringing their homework folder, handing me their reinforcer card without being reminded, etc. I had been subjectively giving them more boxes if they worked hard and didn't need reminders to follow the rules.
After this class, I have now decided to make the reward objective. They can earn an additional 6 boxes if they follow the rules and each time they don't follow rules, they lose the number of boxes. Every so often, one of the boxes on the chart has a star on it. Each time they get to a star, they get to choose a prize.
So far, I've had great results - no arguing and the kids actually obeying very quickly! The biggest thing I'm worried about now is that I have 2-3 weeks until they teach us what to do in the event that the kid doesn't respond before losing the whole amount. They say this rarely happens, but in the event it does... stay tuned for my next episode!
Happy Parenting!/Teaching!
