Weddings and Divorces

It has been awhile since I blogged.  My journal writing follows the same pattern.  So much has happened over the past 2 years.  I know we aren't the only ones living a roller coaster.  My best guess is that we all are... but I do believe that we can choose for ourselves but we can't choose our consequences and some of our choices increase or decrease the chances of good or bad consequences.

We try to make choices that increase the chances for good things to happen in our lives.

I have been listening to Stephen R Covey's Third Alternative book on cd.  I have studied relationships for over 30 years - since my first one.  At first it was in an effort to save a marriage and when I finally figured out that nothing I did was going to change my first husband, and long story short, we divorced, I studied relationships in an effort to make the best choice the 2nd time around.  Now in my 20th year of marriage, I still study because we haven't figured it all out.

We have seen couple after couple end marriages - more so from our neighborhood in West Jordan than here.  In the 3 years we have been here, we have not been aware of any couples splitting up and we are actively involved in our church congregation and school and rec teams.

Anyway - Covey tells us that the flight or fight natural man tendency leads to a lot of defensiveness, arguments and emotional wall building.  Third Alternative thinking takes into account that we are different and that we can choose to appreciate our differences and that one person's strengths (whether in a company, family, marriage, etc.) can cancel out another's weaknesses.  When we understand that and are more focused on finding positive synergy (I used to call it a win-win before Covey's book) then we can make that choice rather than the "my way or the highway" approach.

Even knowing this, I still fall into the trap of being defensive when my husband makes a comment that cuts me to the core.  Most of the time, I don't think he means to. ;D

So - the wedding I am referring to in the post title is my 25 year old daughter's.  Ethan has been very vocal about wanting to marry her since last Christmas.  Now that they have been dating 9 months, she is ready and they want to be married before December 1st.   We have two dates - Friday, Nov 16th or Friday, November 30th.  Just waiting to hear if the 16th is for sure available as there is a soft hold on that date at the reception center we all love.  It has been a crazy week of looking at venues, discussing dates, looking at ideas, getting prices... I'm exhausted.

Add to that, my car has been in the shop since Monday so I have been dependent on others for transportation... I don't like being dependent on others.

The divorce I refer to is a couple that lives in our old neighborhood in West Jordan.  Neither of them have compassion for the other or are willing to listen to try to understand where the other is coming from.  Love, the adjective, is the word to describe the feeling that comes when we love, the verb, others.  We love others by serving them.  If you don't feel love for someone then you aren't serving them.  Change that and you almost immediately feel the difference.  It is so sad, because they are both past feeling, and have lost their way and it's the kids that are most effected.

That's all for today!

I'll try to include more because it really has been quite the roller coaster!

Valerie